If I Only!!!

Well today has been an interesting day and its only 1:50...

I walked into work this morning to No power and a sick little boy.... Thankfully We got the Power back at around 12:30 and Scooby Doo Has saved the Day for the Little one, But in the mean time Nanny Amanda was on Reading/cuddle Duty. Not that I don't mind the cuddling, Just wish He was not sick!

 Well nick Presented me with a book by the Good old Dr. Seuss and it was filled with all these crazy stories... Well he Insisted on Reading all Of Them!!! One of the Stories really stuck out to me even as a 29 year old Woman, "I wish I had Duck Feet" was the title and as I read the story about a little boy who wish he has all these crazy and different things different about him including, Duck feet, an Elephant Trunk, a Whale Spout and a Few other crazy ideas it Got me Wondering and Thinking about all the Things We Wish we Had or Didn't Have!!!

  Yesterday I wrote about "Fitting In"..  As a woman I know its Normal to always want to change something about yourself , wether its a new Hair Color, A new cut, Finding a New style and Even trying out New Ways to Better you appearance! All which are normal, natural and basic things that you can Easily Change and Really Don't Define you yet help you "fit in" with the Newest Style and Fashion for that period of time!

 However I know I have seem to struggle with the Fitting in process and No matter how Hard I tried and how much money I spent and Tried to "look" like the Image on the Magazine or the Girls and Group that seem to be Normal, it just never seemed like I was that Right Image and Truly Never "Fit" in.  Honestly for awhile I let that Define who I was and determined that I will never be as Pretty, special and Perfect as they are.

 But why was I letting my image define who I was and where I belonged? Why couldn't I see That I was MADE in GODS IMAGE!!! 

 In the story the Little boy thought of all the Fun and Different ways to be Different and be made different from his Friends and Family & while all the days had Some fun and exciting things that would make things a little more interesting, they also had problem that came with the Duck Feet and The Whale Spout!!!

  I/We Are so anxious to be like someone else and have what others have and to be like that someone else that looks like they have the perfect life and the Perfect Image, that we Forget that NO ONE is PERFECT!! 

 Remember God new what we were going to look like, and Who we would be before we were even Born. I/WE are a Beautiful Creation in Gods Eyes so why Change what He Created!

 I Don't want to change the Trees or the Flowers, I Admire the Mountains and The Ocean and all that he Created, so why Cant I Remember that I Am always one of GOD's CREATIONS!!!!!

 So with 2013 already One month in, I am really looking forward to being able to learn to Admire the BEAUTY of GOD's CREATION!!!!!! Including Myself , cause thats where it ALL starts!!

~ New Year New Me 2013 is underway and I Feel GREAT!!!!!

My worst Enemy!!

Welcome back~

So as I had mentioned yesterday I am on a mission to make 2013 all about the New Me!!!!!

I know that sounds so typical of people right... New me Usually means a new Diet, a new attitude and possibly even a new out look on life , especially after a rough year in the past possibly even a year of things that just never seemed to go right.

Well 2012 was Not A horrible year for me nor was there year before!! Actually come to think of it many of my years have been average with a Few exciting things to throw into the Mix to Help me Remember That Year.  For instance This past year I had the chance to swim with Dolphins, Meet my newest Nephew Lucas, meet some awesome and wonderful new people as well as witness some good friends marry there Best Friends. Great year right?? So why change you ask?? Well the New me is Ready to face my Worst and Ultimate Fear and Enemy!!!!

MYSELF!!!!!

Since as Far back as I have Remembered I have always been the Hardest on myself and been the main Reason that I have ben faced with so many insecurities. I have Always compared myself to the People around me, Have always Judged myself when others weren't and Always managed to put myself down. 

 There were only a few times in life that I actually felt like I "FIT" in and the truth was that I never did, cause I was never being Honest with myself and never being True to who I was! And that my Friends is why Weight and self image has always been A Huge Struggle for me!!!

So 2013 Is about not "Fitting in" But "Sticking out" and making a difference, starting with me!!!! 

No more I CANT, its all about saying I CAN~ and this Year I WILL make a Difference!!!

~ Matthew 5;16  Let your Light SHINE before men in such a way that they may see your Good works and Glorify your Father who is In Heaven!!

 Let my Light shine this year and Face ALL my Fears as I call upon HIM!!!!!

2013!!! New Year New Me!!!

 OK so the last time I was on here I was all set to start this Journey to weigh loss and Better eating....well I seem to Always say im going to do that and yet It NEVER happens!!! I seems to always have an excuse or a reason I cant and better yet I just Don't want to. 

 Back in 2007 I was married to my Husband and had lost a ton of weight working with the Family I use to work for in Barrington... They were on a All organic all Fruits and Vegetables and NO CARBS kick to help get themselves in shape and ready for the summer and to start teaching there boys the importance of being Healthy!!! On the Day of my wedding I weighed around 125 @ the Height of 5/3- 5/4. 
Shortly after we were married I changed Jobs and started working more hours for a Family with a new Baby and had Less motivation to keep going.. I was already married and I was working a full time Job and better yet I didnt need to look good!!!!

Well here I am almost 6 years later and weighing in at 20 ibs more than that day nearly 6 years ago and 25ibs more than where my heart desires to be!!!!!

 It seems like every year I would say I will loose the weight, be more active, eat better, and care more and yet it never Happened. I have been in 2 weddings that I was Determined to Look AMAZING in and yet the day came where the amount they took in was not where i Really wanted to be.
I have tried to loose weight to impress others and Fit in and Feel accepted and yet that only left me feeling lonely and like a utter failure. 
I have tried to loose weight to make others Happy and Proud and yet ending up Failing all over again.
I Have tried to loose weight for that summer vacation so when I walk around Disney World by the end of the day, I feel normal and Not  10 years older than I actually am, Never Happened!!!

Well this year I will be 30 and I am Determined to not let that age approach being in the shape I was and am in.... So thats why i have made this Year 2013 about GOD & ME!!!

No more crash diets, no more loosing weight to fit in,( accept me for me for I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made) No more I I I!!!!!!

Its about God and Myself and Where Physically, Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually I need to be and Learning to accept who GOD has made me to be!!

I started 2013 weighing in @ 145.6 and set a goal for myself to Change my Eating habits, Attend the Gym 3/4 times a week and Spend more time in the Word and focusing more on where God wants me to be And NOT where I want to be!!!

I am writing this almost a month later cause I tend to set goals and get on this High and Never follow thru, well this year has Already been a Much better year and has already been a HUGE improvement!!! 

I go to the Gym ALL the time and LOVE it and Although I have a few bad days and times when I pull the ME ME ME, I tend to then turn around and Say, GOD didnt Quit on me so why Am I quiting on Him!!!

 I have written little notes to myself to encourage me and put them in my car and On my phone, and I have a Few friends who Also have been A HUGE encouragement!!!! 

  So stay tuned for the Monthly weigh in and to Here more about what 2013 has to offer!!!  


I CAN DO ALL THINGS THRU CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH!!! Phil 4:13~

Name name name

Ok so every photogorapher good or bad seems to have a name and yet every idea I have seems to be taken!!! Grrrr HELP!!!!! IDEAS are being accepted NOW!!!

Journey

ok so its been awhile and I know that, I am sorry! however I have some exciting news to share and while I left some people in suspense with a earlier post on Facebook that was all to Simple and not enough info for them, I wanted to share this news in person with Friends and Family First before I announced it to the Public of Facebook!!

IM GOING TO SCHOOL!!!!

Well....Not really but Sorta, over the last several days As I adventure out I can't help but embrace and acknowledge the Beauty all Around me and how I just want to document and capture the moments in each person and each part of Creation!!
After much prayer and discussion I finally stopped talking myself out of Fulfilling a Life long dream of mine and decided to enroll in some online classes in Photography!

YES..Another photographer, trust me this is one of many but mainly the only thing that had been keeping me from pursuing this dream. So many people around me are taking classes or teaching themselves and building websites and businesses and Succeeding in this Field as photographer and I never wanted to step on toes, or feel Not good Enough compared to the ones around me and what they do or feel like there was always going to be someone better.
Well there will always be someone better, and I'm sure some toes will be stepped on and even more I KNOW that other people will have there favorite photographer and I won't be it BUT thats OK!!!

My dream is to capture the moments in life and in people and in Creation that show the true beauty or the personality, the character and the uniqueness of what life, people and creation has to offer!!!
I am not doing this to be better than the next Photographer I am doing this for me and to Accomplish something in My life!!!

 SO here goes Nothing and Here starts my Journey at the New York Institute Of Photography!
Its a six part course where I will have projects, Test, books and DVDS that I will be working on over the Next 2/3 years... I can set my own pace, finish in my own time and have fun doing it!!!

I am excited, anxious and nervous all at the same Time but I know that God is the Pilot Flying this Course of my Life and Through HIM, NOTHING is impossible!!!!!!

Hope you follow my journey and My work as my First task on this Course is to BLOG about this Experience!!!

:) :) :)

The battle I fight

Oh how i wish things were a little easier sometimes!!! Wish i didn't eat when i am stressed and hurt and insecure!!!! Need to learn to not let it overtake my thoughts and remember ultimately who is in control!!! I just don't get it!!! Not sure if it would hurt worse to be told something that can be hurtful And upsetting to my face or find out it is being spoken about behind my back!!! This too God will carry me thru, for in the bigger grander things its really just me And Him against this world and Food!!!! Challenge for me is to take all this negative energy and work out and burn off some of these.nasty sinful.calories i have been indulging in to make myself feel better!!!!!  Hmmmn oh the possibilities......

Fill my bag

Yay for 2012!!!!! This year like every year i promise myself I will loose weight And get in shape, well no excuses this year!!! I am currently participating in a Biggest Looser contest and I have Zumba and a new lunch bag to keep me from eating junk from all these fatty fast.food places!!! So what can i fill my new bag with to help me succed with my 35ib weightloss goal ( more on that later)